Kevin91Z

iTrader: (1)

THE TEN BEST TOOLS OF ALL TIME

Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; it's never there when you need
it. Besides, there are only ten things in this world you need to
fix any car, any place, any time.


1. Duct Tape: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in
stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator
hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more in one
easy-to-carry package. Sure, there's a prejudice surrounding duct
tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world everything
from LeMans - winning Porsches to Atlas rockets - uses it by the
yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a
quarter and a phone booth.

2. Vice-Grips: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling
wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts, and wiggle-it-till-it
-falls off tool. The heavy artillery of your toolbox, Vice Grips
are the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up
beyond repair.

3. Spray Lubricants: A considerably cheaper alternative to new
doors, alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig
phlegm. Repeated soakings of WD-40 will allow the main hull bolts
of the Andrea Dora to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an
integral part of these sprays is the infamous little red tube
that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross-eyed, one
of the ten worst tools of all time.

4. Margarine Tubs With Clear Lids: If you spend all your time
under the hood looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the
peedle valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's
because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of
tasteless vegetable oil replicas, just so they can use the empty
tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the
butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack wheel
bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs
aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel
Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.

5. Big Rock At The Side Of The Road: Block up a tire. Smack
corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know-it-all
types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer
that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is
the only tool with which a "made in India" emblem is not
synonymous with the user's maiming.

6. Plastic Zip Ties: After twenty years of lashing down stray
hoses and wired with old bread ties, some genius brought a
slightly slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip
ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur-quality rewiring
from a working model of the Brazilian rain forest into something
remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course, it works both
ways. When buying used cars, subtract $100.00 for each zip tie
under the hood.

7. Ridiculously Large Standard Screwdriver With Lifetime
Guarantee: Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying,
chiseling, lifting, breaking, splitting, or mutilating than a
huge flat-bladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with
gusto and a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for oil
filters so insanely located they can only be removed by driving a
stake in one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver -
and you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said - who
cares? It's guaranteed.

8. Bailing Wire: Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing
wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct
tape, it's not recommended for concourse contenders since it
works so well you'll never replace it with the right thing again.
Bailing wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles,
particularly with MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.

9. Bonking Stick: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly
pointy ends is technically known as a tie-rod- end separator, but
how often do you separate tie-ends? Once every decade, if you're
lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all
purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge
flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel
or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick.
(Can also be used to separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course,
but does a lousy job of it).

10. A Quarter and a Phone Booth:
(See #1 above.)

MRZ28HO

That is in my toolbox ... unfortunately, my portable is not so equipt. Then again, I don't carry anything in my cars. Keeps then cleaner.

Mr. TurboTA

Pretty neat Kevin!
But............instead of spending the quarter on a pay phone, I use them for the meters at the beach!! Ha!!
Instead, carry your cell phone around! Doesn't everybody have one now-a-days??? This falls under the what kids have now post from George L's.
The only other thing I can come up with, is that you have lots of friends!!!!
As for spray lubs, at the yards, I just use the motor oil leaking from all the cars!! It has worked every time!

Later,

George

Parrydise7

iTrader: (1)

Kevin,

Great list!

You need to add one other (critically important) item to that list: a bouquet of flowers.

There isn't anything that can't be fixed with a roll of duct tape, a can of WD40 and a bouquet of flowers (okay, okay, maybe you need a few more of the tools that you mentioned) but a bouquet of flowers has gotten me out of jam more than once.

Okay, I'm editing this to clarify one point. I DO NOT recommend that you carry flowers in your tool box.

Dyno Don

iTrader: (7)

You need to EDIT #10....it takes 2 quarters now!

ledman66

iTrader: (2)

Lol, I know this thread is SUPER old...and got a laugh at number 10 and Dyno Don's answer that it take "2 quarters now"... WELL NOW, 12 years later you all should have a cell phone that is active, so all you need is no quarters, no phone booths, as they are a rarity these days and the ones you do find are either deactivated or reserved (mostly for pimps, drug dealers and Ho's)
and you need at least 1 BAR on your cellphone to make a call

lol, again, sorry for drudging up this old post, I was searching for something totally different and this came up haha

Joe Tag

iTrader: (4)

At least one quarter is still essential for every third genner. Need it to take the trim screws loose so you can get at the spare tire.

FSTFBDY

iTrader: (33)

Not good for those of us who Run Different rims and I can't fit a 18x9.5 back there for a spair. Triple A call make on that Cell phone.

Joe Tag

iTrader: (4)

I knew that was coming, lol

RWB____s

a crowbar and a extra charged up cell phone battery because your cell phone always finds away to be DOA when you need it and you use the crowbar on the cell phone when it does not work because your in a dead zone.